The reason you're still single
Let me start with a disclaimer: I am not a relationship expert, I have no knowledge of a "secret formula" to a happy relationship; but since we talk so much about the shortcomings of a partner, I thought it's worth having a look at what we're doing wrong. I'm not saying you'll find Prince Charming right away but it might be helpful to consider some of the things we do, even on a subconscious level, not to find The One.
We all know that nobody is perfect, we say this all the time but there is truth to it; even if it's such a cliché. There's no use expecting that perfect person to walk into our lives one day – he doesn’t exist. We all have flaws, usually more than one.
More often than not, we have many. We should try to find a person whose imperfections we can accept, live with and forgive. There needs to be something so good in that other person that makes you forget about all the other little imperfections. What if he doesn't bring breakfast to bed, leaves his socks on the floor or forgets about important dates? If his values are similar to yours, he always protects you, he's clever and he can make you laugh - he's a keeper.
It's true that others won't love you unless you love yourself. A friend of mine said to me once that "men are such jerks, they seem to like me a lot more since I lost a couple of pounds and I look thinner". If you think about it, men are highly unlikely to notice she lost a bit of weight. The reason for their sudden interest has probably something to do with her: something changed in her and that showed. She felt more confident in her body, she smiled more and looked happier; and these are the things that matter.
There's no point in saying you love yourself the way you are and that you're happy in your skin if no one can see it. It's not expensive furniture that will make a house cosy; it's the atmosphere that makes you feel at home.
It's not your Instagram photos or commenting how much you love each other that will make your relationship great. It's not even posting about how long you've been together. The same way, it's not the I'm-so-self-confident-and-strong type of quotes on your feed that build your self-esteem. If you build an image of how much you love being on your own, people won’t try to get to you. If you pretend to be hard to get, people will eventually give up trying.
But it's also true that trying to change somebody never works. You can't change another person. It's not like getting a great deal on a dress that is five sizes too big in the hopes of finding a good seamstress. No one will change for you. They might have the willpower to change a little but that will be for themselves. If your hope is that time will make everything better, you’re lying to yourself. It’s like hoping the Earth would one day stop spinning for you - it will only leave you disappointed and alone.
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