3 things you should never compromise on in a relationship

It is inevitable for two people in a long term relationship to shape each other: we smooth each other like pebbles of the sea. The smooth melding of the two people create harmony: there is nothing rough to the feel, your fingers cannot detect any raggedness. And nothing can disrupt this harmony.

Years of practice and bravely made compromises melded us but we don’ regret a thing for we chose each other freely; our compromises are mutual promises, not some kind of extorted little lies. We know what we want and we also know what we do not want. We’ve learned each other’s love languages, we know how to communicate, to reason, to protect ourselves and to set boundaries.

Real love, empathy and acceptance can only be found in relationships where both parties have the ability to set and keep their personal boundaries. Following the melding process, both of you should feel like you have enough fresh air to breath, some sunshine to enjoy and enough space to grow. None of you should feel like there is not enough space or that there is too much distance between you two.

If you feel like your partner cannot or will not tolerate your comments or habits, or does not pass those first couple of test, consider them a lost cause. Do not even consider committing to them in the long run; that ideal melding process will never happen. You can always expect conflicts to arise but in this case, conflicts disrupt harmony from the very beginning; they are a given. We’re all different, we come from different backgrounds and families, we have different views; and you should never try to fully melt into your other half but if you are completely different people, your life will be a never ending battle. We all need to feel in control to some extent but if neither of you is willing to compromise sometimes, you’ll end up arguing about virtually everything: what color to choose for the living room walls, where to put the dog’s bed or how to squeeze the toothpaste out of the tub… But do these things really matter? Not if there is love to cover all the differences. Some real serious arguments can arise from differences due to coming from different backgrounds or having different values but you must find a happy medium, otherwise, you’ll keep feeling misunderstood and hurt all the time.

You should never compromise on the following unless you’re ready for a lifetime of frustration, regret and disappointment.

1 Lack of respect or empathy

When you find someone who respects you, they recognize your strengths and have grace for you when it comes to your weaknesses. They do not mock or ridicule you or keep a record of your past mistakes. Respect and empathy guide you, promote positive behaviors and encourage you to grow. If your partner is not willing to act like this, they don’t deserve your love.

2 Completely different needs in the bedroom

If you have completely different needs sexually, you’ll never live in perfect harmony. You’ll end up trying to hide your needs and desires or what turns you on thinking they must be very far from “normal” or “too wild” and you’ll feel like you can’t talk about them. Erotic intelligence, however, enables you to discuss what it is you actually like in bed. In a committed relationship, you should know what makes your partner feel good because they had felt safe enough to communicate their desires. You also need to be aware of how important physical intimacy is to your partner for some people might lose interest in sex due to stress or anxiety. If you continuously struggle to meet your partner’s needs, you’ll get exhausted and will eventually give up. Sexual novelty is rooted in honest discussions about the real desires you have even if you feel too ashamed to talk about your needs.

3 Honesty

Not a lot of people can embrace who they were and who they’ve become. Admitting where your life went wrong, what mistakes you made and owning your past is not easy. There comes a point in the getting-to-know-each-other phase when you need to spill it all: all those mistakes, disappointments, lies and heartbreaks. Are you afraid of being honest? Do you feel like it might ruin everything? Do you feel like he might not want to be with you anymore? Well, we love something quick and easy these days: we want sex not real intimacy, we want romance but not the baggage… The truth is, a committed, loving relationship cannot be built on lies or dishonesty – if you cannot be honest, you will never be loved for who you are.