I’m starting to think dating requires a set of special skills - skills I apparently do not possess. Presumably dating in real life looks something like the mixture of romantic novels and… well, reality. I do believe in real life fairy tales but I have never experienced anything like that, ever.

Trying to navigate all those pieces of advice and tips on how to find the love of your life is so damn hard. I never thought there were so many ways of letting someone know you’re interested without seeming too desperate but still be clear enough for them to get the message, plus you need to find out whether they like you… see, it’s getting complicated already.

I am aware of the fact that there are more significant things happening out there: the world economy, political issues or medical discoveries cannot be compared with pondering whether he likes me or not… I know that.

It still matters to me and it matters to me greatly. I have no idea what I want in life or where I’m headed - I had a great plan for having a great life and then bang, it’s all gone. I haven’t recovered completely, I’m just trying to take it day by day. Even if it’s hard to believe when you’re suffering, time does heal a lot of things. I also realized that the longer I dwell on the past, the harder it is to find happiness.

So I decided to let the universe do its thing and just be open to what comes my way.

But the moment you realize that there are plenty of options to choose from, you freeze. Because you don’t just want any good option - you want the best. Deep down you know you’re not after a relationship, you want the real deal, that all consuming love, the happily ever after.

Dating is not easy, especially if you overcomplicate things.

I was terrified I’d make a fool out of myself - no because I struggle with self-esteem issues, it just felt impossible to open up and try to explain all that’s inside me to an almost total stranger. Not that it matters that much… He might not even be interested in getting to know the real me. But once he does, it’s totally up to him whether he responds or not. Not that complicated, after all.

Maybe things are a whole lot simpler than they are in my mind. Maybe the problem is I’m a hopeless romantic.

“Remember, the whole point of our existence might be to disappear - our planet will probably be devoured by a great black hole and this thing we call life will be over in a second”

Think about it, this might actually be true. We have nothing to lose. I decided to write that message - I just wrote it, no hesitation, no overthinking it. My message might never get to him but it might actually start something. Anyway, at least I’ll know how he feels about me. The only thing I need to figure out now is how I feel about me. I’m not so sure… I do my best to pretend I’m fine and that I’m over my breakup and the most difficult time of my life. I try to act all tough but the truth is I find myself waking up in the middle of the night looking for him. I still miss him so much. I know it’s over and life goes on but moving on is so damn hard… But then when I least expected it, something happened and I was ready for a new life, a new love, a new world. I don’t know if what I’m feeling is true love, I honestly doubt that, but here I am hoping this new man doesn’t think I’ve completely lost it. I do believe in that all consuming love that sweeps you off your feet. I just don’t think this is it. I still want my old life back sometimes and I don’t know if any another man could make me forget how I felt about him.

Will we ever be able to forgive what we have done to each other? Or will we really go our separate ways? I’m still not sure.

Maybe dating is hard because I still miss my past. I still miss him. And although he said it was over, I feel like our story is not over yet. Sometimes I feel like he’s not sure about that either. Or maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic.

• dating disappointment loneliness love relationships

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