Disappointments have a bright side. This sentence might make you question my sanity. Nobody gets that warm fuzzy feeling when someone lies to you or leaves you. So why would anyone think that disappointment can actually be a positive thing?

I think people often fall into the trap of wanting everything right then and there. We want to heat up lukewarm relationships as if they were instant soups and we act surprised when they don’t turn out as delicious as some kind of gourmet food.

We want commitment two minutes after we meet someone; we want love and faithfulness forever when we barely know our mate’s name. If it doesn’t work right away, we give up on it – we take the easy exit as soon as possible. It’s much easier to see it as a failed attempt than actually having to work on it.

It’s not only true for relationships: we seem to be scared of disappointment in all fields of life, but disappointments are inevitable. We might have to deal with disappointment in the area that hurts the most only to discover that we’re all a work in progress.

We feel very disappointed when we don’t get our dream job right away, when we can’t lose all the weight in two weeks or when someone we trust fails us. But there is something we can do about it and I don’t mean feeling sorry for ourselves for months. We might as well use our disappointment to learn something. We can use it as motivation to do better at the next job interview, go to thy gym three times a week or be more careful with dubious people.

Disappointments can be a real eye-opener. Maybe it’s hard to see them this way but if you’re patient enough, you might actually see that disappointments do have a bright side. It’s hard to see how pain can be good for you; it’s perfectly normal to be hurt and to wallow in self-pity. But after a while, you’ll see that something has changed and if you are willing to learn from it, that something will be you.

You’ll learn that life is not a walk in the park, you won’t get your dream job just because you’ve put a lot of effort into designing your CV; and similarly, you won’t be easily deceived in the future. You can blame your circumstances or you can take advantage of them and grow – the choice is yours.

After a while you’ll get to a point where you can see that disappointments are not your fault, it’s just that you haven’t learned your lessons yet. When you find yourself in similar disappointing situations time after time, you have a choice. You can either give up or you can choose to grow. Try to evaluate each situation you felt greatly disappointed in, try to see why you felt so let-down. Most importantly, try to focus on how much stronger disappointments made you and equipped you to face an upcoming moment in your life.

You will find that some things in life are actually worth the wait. Also, despite all the disappointing moments, your willingness to learn will help you reach your goals.

• choice disappointment growth

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