I can live without you but I don’t want to

If I say I can’t live without you, it means you sustain me. You’re the air I breathe, you’re my oxygen and your absence makes me a moaning shadow of myself indulging in self-pity. It’s like we’re connected by an uncut umbilical cord that supplies me with your nutrient-rich love. I can’t live without you actually means that I do not exist apart from you.

It means I’m depending on you, my well-being, my feelings, my mood, my chance at happiness all depend on you. I’m expecting you to be the source of my happiness. I’m sitting in our love nest, waiting for you to come and feed me. I can remain a child forever. It’s quite comfortable, finding someone to be responsible for me forever. I weaken you as all you do is nourish me and all I do is taking all of you, sucking the life out of you.

If we go on like this, we’ll end up empty.

Can such a relationship be saved? There are women who live their whole lives like this. They keep telling themselves that they can’t live without their mate; he is their only chance at happiness, a well that never runs dry. When all the love is quenched by emotional blackmail, they keep scavenging on the caresses like vultures. Everybody has the ability to live without their mate. Even when your heart is broken and shattered into a million pieces, even when it hurts and you die a little, time heals you. There comes a point when you realize you can breathe on your own; and though that cord has been cut, you’re not going to die of starvation, you can actually nourish yourself. You can plant your own garden or buy your own flowers.

“I can live without you but I don’t want to” is, on the other hand, a conscious decision that I can make on my own. I enjoy and appreciate being showered with your love and attention but I can also give to you. I can live without you but I made a decision not to, and I’m willing to take all my chances with you. I’m not using you to feed on you, you’re a decision I made, not my last resort. You’re not my safety net, I’m not going to fall without you. Even if I were to fall, I’m sure you’d lend me one of your wings.

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