Guy Talk: Change

Everybody changes a lot during the course of a long term relationship. You get to know a part of yourself you haven’t known before, you learn to make compromises and you might even change certain things about yourself.

Often times, these actions do not lead to living happily ever after, for if you and your partner are too different, making some changes won’t make it work. It is said that opposites attract. Do they really? And is it good if they do?

Having different values, life goals or ideas to your partner might cause you to take different paths in life. Though you might not be aware of these differences in the beginning, you mind find yourself asking questions like “How did I not see this before?”. Well, when you’re on cloud 9, it’s hard to see things for what they are and the only thing you care about is the happiness of your beloved. You’re drunk on love, what else could you wish for? But sooner or later deal-breakers come into the picture. You’re back to your normal self, to your old ways and you start making compromises.

If you can accept your partner’s needs and give them the space they need, knowing it’s not all about them, you’re likely t make it work. But you must see things through their eyes sometimes. If, however, one of you fails to handle things well, arguments arise. And when too many arguments arise, well, that kills all the romance. Is that really the end of it? Can a once happy relationship end just like that? Sometimes it can and it does. And though breaking up with someone is extremely painful, it can make you stronger and it change you a lot.

You’ll evaluate things, you’ll draw conclusions from what you did and you’ll learn from what your partner’s mistakes. And once you identify the problems, you’ll try to change. Did your partner feel like you didn’t spend enough time with them? You’ll try to spend more them with your partner next time. Were you too quick to start an argument? You might want to count to ten next time you find yourself in a situation like that. Did you make them feel bad about a night out? You’ll probably let them have a night out instead of saying good bye. We make so many mistakes… But you can change if you really want to.

You’ll receive a lot of unsolicited advice along the way but you must learn to quiet the noise and listen to yourself. Ignore all the comments like “There’s plenty other fish in the sea” and “I’m sure you’ll find someone better” and listen to your heart. You were in that relationship, they weren’t. You tried to make it work, they didn’t. You committed to that person, they didn’t. All the other people are spectators, they’re not playing your game. It’s a long and painful journey and no one can tell you when it’ll end but if you both still have feelings for each other, your paths will cross somehow and you’ll get a second chance at making it right.