The prison of our past
“Why are you punishing me for something I didn’t do?”, I ask. You’re just standing there, at a loss for words. You’re suffocating me and your anxiety is driving both of us mad – it’s driving me mad for I never gave you a reason to doubt me and you feel crazy because you can’t trust me. I never lied to you, I’ve always loved and respected you and I know you feel the same way. So why is it so hard?
As we’re approaching our thirties, there’s too much emotional baggage for us to deal with and often times it feels impossible to keep on hoping. All those disappointments make us doubt everyone around us and blind us so much that we can’t even figure out what’s happening. All of a sudden, we’re paralyzed by our doubts and negativity and we end up attacking the very person who has never let us down.
We’ve been cheated on so jealousy creeps in faster than we realize or the fact that our partner has cheated on somebody before makes us doubt everything. We never talk about our greatest fears for we’re terrified of opening up “too quickly” and being left alone. We are in a relationship but are way too afraid of commitment so we’d rather live as two strangers guarding our hearts for we’re so afraid of rejection. But trying really hard to seem interesting and look perfect from the outside might leave you with a shallow connection.
Why do we let our past creep in and take over? It’s perfectly natural for our experiences to shape who we are and what we want from others and it’s ok to know what you’re looking for in a partner but past relationships should never hold enough power to jeopardize your current one. Remember the good and the bad but let them be what they are: memories. Lift your head up high and focus on the present. Do yourself a favor and forgive yourself and your partner and don’t let past mistakes ruin your relationship. Choose honesty and accept the fact that after a while we all have baggage but, instead of living in the past, use those experiences to build a future. Don’t be afraid to talk about how you feel: think about what it is that’s making you feel that way and start talking.
If you don’t know what to say, try something along the lines of “I promise to be more patient with you and with myself. I know that is not easy for you either and that the things you saying are not fair but I often do the same. I truly believe we can forget about our past and move on and start our own journey – just you and me”.
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